crumb dumpster

Title: Total Eclipse of the Heart (the bangers and mash Hufflepuff remix)
Pairing: Zacharias Smith/OFC, Zacharias Smith/Tom Riddle/OFC, Snape/James, implied Snape/McGonagall, implied Snape/Regulus, and implied James/Sirius. Also includes a cameo by Trelawney, Stubby Boardman references, and gratuitous house-elf nudity.
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Post-HBP: What happens when a nameless Hufflepuff in the back row gets a crush on Deliria Venusdottir, the new transfer student? Will they fall down the stairs with a Time-Turner, go back to the 1940s, teach Tom Riddle all about the power he knows not, and save the world? And what about The Vampire Sanguini? Meanwhile, Dumbledore is reincarnated as the child of Snape and McGonagall!
A/N: Rated NC-17 for non-standard use of orifices. P.S. AU, OOC, UST, BDSM, MWPP, MPREG!!! Written on 3 a.m on a energy drink sugar high. Better than it sounds!
A/N V.2.0: I blame the fandom. And mctabby. Also sioniann, because she went to bed instead of stopping me like she clearly should have.

[Obligatory Song Download]

( total eclipse of the heart (the bangers and mash hufflepuff remix) )

Title: Like a Phoenix From the Ashes
Pairing: Sirius/James, sort of. Harry/Draco and Remus/Tonks implied.
Rating: NC-17
Words: 2,427.
Warnings: Complete and utter disrespect for the dead. Frottage with an urn. Kind of Mpreg, but not really. More like spontaneous spawnage. Dangerous fucking muse. Look, I need help.
A/N: Crackfic. Wholly the fault of alittlewhisper, who said 'Sirius/James necro mpreg Mary Sue' like I wasn't going to do something about it. Also enabled by a cavalcade of people who shall remain nameless purely to conserve space. You know who you are. Unbetaed. thysanotus gave it a once-over, but she was too busy rocking in the corner to point anything out.

It's not really necro. I mean it. There isn't even a corpse.

( Like a Phoenix From the Ashes )

*flees*

Title: Nightmare on Grimmauld Place
Pairing: Harry/Mrs. Black, Sirius/Cornelius Fudge, Remus/Stan Shunpike,
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Portrait frottage. Bowler hats. Spotty bus conductors.
A/N: This crackfic is brought to you by the Nightmare Pairing Meme, because amanuensis1's was too funny, happiestwhen's was too easy and mine was just plain wrong. Unbetaed. Feel free to point and laugh. Or run screaming.

( nightmare on grimmauld place )